


Flip Phone Melancholy

by ironfuturist



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Apologies, Civil War Fix-It, Developing Relationship, Enemies to Friends, Feelings Realization, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Memories, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Does What He Wants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-28 15:42:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20428373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironfuturist/pseuds/ironfuturist
Summary: Tony was somewhere in between angry, hurt and extremely drunk... So that's how he ended up here feeling pretty damn shitty and still thinking about how badly he was screwed over by the reverential Captain America.





	Flip Phone Melancholy

2:56AM.

Tony was somewhere in between angry, hurt and extremely drunk. 'Two and a half bottles of whiskey down' kind of drunk, in fact - that had to be a record for him, surely. He should ask FRIDAY at some point. So that's how he ended up here feeling pretty damn shitty and still thinking about how badly he was screwed over by the reverential Captain America. Even after 9 months the bitterness still swelled up inside him and began eating him alive, slowly and painfully. Bitter, at Steve; always at Steve. Barnes had barely crossed his mind within the last 274 days and he'd been reduced to a simple bump in the road - now all he sees, all he _dreams_ of is Steve Roger's face when he drove that shield through his heart. Now his days are filled with hatred; a constant anger rising in his chest until it tightens and tightens and he can't breathe. Until he can feel the shield slam through his arc reactor over again and he has to urge himself not to lose control and scream. He's known tough times and hell, he's got the scars to prove it but here and now, it's at the hands of Steve Rogers' that meant this time is slowly killing him.

_ _ _ _There's been no contact, nothing to let him know where Captain America is, let him know if he's sorry and goddamn even if he's safe. Now that damn phone is like a curse, sat burning a hole on the top of Tony's desk that he can't be rid of. He's sure it has to be an evil twist of fate that he's still the one suffering. After all, it's his parent's that are dead, it's him that was lied to and betrayed and it's him that nearly lost his best friend. Steve left him for dead without a trace yet he still wants to know where he's hiding and if he thinks about Tony. He wants to know if he feels guilty. Even more embarrassing than that, he wants to hear his voice. Pathetic._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Cursing and making sure to take another long swig of whiskey along the way, Tony stumbles across the floor to the foot of his desk and snatches the phone from the top. He doesn't know if it's the alcohol or the weight of the action but he falls straight back onto his ass and leans his back against the wood as counterweight. This is first interaction with the phone since he took it out the ridiculous box that was impossible to track. He feels a particular heaviness settle over him as he stares at the item in his hand and scoffs at the sentiment. What's it worth when you betray a friend and tear your whole team apart?_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Christ, when did his heart start beating that fast? He could feel every beat pushing out of his chest. Against his shirt that was stained with alcohol and (not that it was anybody's business) had tear stains splattered the way across the mid-section. And when did his hands start violently shaking? He tightened his grip and questioned whether he would pick up. Would he keep the other end of his bargain? Without even stopping to think, Tony flipped the phone open to the only number saved. He hesitated for a slight second before biting the bullet and hitting dial. He held the phone with a delicacy he didn't know that he possessed, almost as though the phone would disappear in his hands before it had chance to ring._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _The dial tone rang and on the third bell, an unmistakable click indicated a connection. Then-_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _"Tony,"_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _He let out a shaky breathe that he didn't realise he was holding to begin with and _fuck,_ he sounded so vulnerable. So defenceless. _ ___

__

__

_ _ _ _ _ _He steeled himself but kept silent. All the words he was meaning to say and all the thoughts he had in his head disappeared. He shook his head, realising Steve couldn't see his action and ended the call. He didn't realise he'd started crying until one stray tear had fallen and landed on the lit up screen. With a rapid movement, he wiped his wet cheeks with the back of his hand, took a long swig from the whiskey bottle sat beside him and hit call once again. Though this time, the call connected straight away. Tony hoped Steve had been waiting patiently beside the phone._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _"Please don't hang up again," Steve asked gently. This time Tony took it all in. He sounded - different. Like he hadn't slept in a while and his throat was dry. _You have no idea what this pain is like,_ the younger man thought.___ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"I-, this is a mistake." Tony admitted, banging the bottle in his opposing hand down and his head against his desk._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Please Tony," Steve pleaded, "I'm glad you called."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Are you?" He ridiculed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Tony-"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _And suddenly it was too much. Steve's voice, the closeness of it all and the tears just wouldn't stop falling. "Stop saying that! Stop saying my name,"___ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _A minute passed whilst Tony pulled himself together and silence hung heavy in the air between the two men. Tony wondered where Steve was right now. Did he wake up to answer the phone and talk to him? Were they in the same time zone? He thought back to the breathing techniques Rhodey taught him to cope with his anxiety attacks. In through the nose, out through the mouth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Please don't cry,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He laughed harshly. Of course Steve knows Tony well enough to know what's going on without seeing him. He's taken everything else from him, why not give him the satisfaction of this too? "Where are you?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"I can't tell you," he answers with distinct sadness in his tone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Can't or won't? That seems to keep happenin' to me recently." Another swig of alcohol and fuck, it burns his throat. He hisses subconsciously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ "I really wish I could tell you." Steve mutters. And after a moment of thought - "Are you drunk?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ "No," he lied. He knew Steve understood the lie behind his response. It's felt easier to deal with Steve's desertion when his system is 80% alcohol. "Fuck you."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Steve sighed into the line and Tony heard a distinguishable rustle of movement, similar to the kind when you reposition yourself on the bed; he debated if it was too intimate to ask and instead focused on the clock resting against the opposite wall. 3:38AM. Maybe. His eyesight was a tad blurry all things considering._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"How are you, Tony?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Oh, you know..." he responded, "my best friend's still in recovery trying to learn how to walk again, I've lost half of the team, been betrayed and left for dead by an asshole that chose to protect a murderer over me and I'm drinking myself into total oblivion. So thanks for the consideration Cap, I'm doing great." He spat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"That's not what it was about. If you were in Bucky's place, I'd have done the exact same for you." Steve spoke with his voice steadily rising._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"But I wasn't. And you chose. Him."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _The words hung heavy between them both. Tony's silent mantra that replayed in his head every waking moment began circling. 'You didn't mean enough to him. You weren't worthy of his friendship or love. Stop thinking you were more than what you were.' The whiskey bottle beside him had now been drained of the dark liquid and Tony was starting to pay the price. In spite of himself, Tony's words were surprisingly eloquent. There were very few stumbles over the words he spoke but Steve saw straight through the act. Regardless, the smaller man's always known that he can turn on alertness when intoxicated; it's a skill he's still reasonably proud to possess._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"I'm not apologising for being there for Bucky if that's what you're expecting. He had no one to fight for him, Tony and-"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Neither did I!" He erupted and instantly regretted darting his head forward when it made the room tilt side-to-side. "Forget the Accords and forget everything else that happened! You're lecturing me about what's right and wrong here, Rogers but you're c-co-...coincidentally forgetting that you beat the shit out of me." Then he uttered completely unguarded, "You made it quite clear how you felt about me when you bailed with your precious boy."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"It's not like that." Steve ground out. Tony could feel the situation escalating and knew he should put an end to it. However, it spurred him on even further. Keep making jabs and watch him dance._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Oh, have you still got some abiding guilt gnawing away inside you Cap? Good. I hope you're fucking hurting too, you selfish fugitive." The anger he's suppressed has taken precedence into a place he feels it shouldn't be leading towards._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"You have no damn idea about how I feel!" Steve bellowed down the line and _fuck_ he really hit a nerve. "You don't get to make that call!"___ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"If you cared then you'd be here fixing the mess that you've made."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _The 'with me' goes unspoken but he's half convinced that Steve heard it regardless. Why can't Steve be here? He wants to lash out, throw punches, shout and fucking _scream!_ If anyone asked, he's say that's where it ends. He'd repudiate over and over again that he wants Steve Rogers hands on his body or his lips on his own. Beyond any doubt does he want to show him what he's missed.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Maybe it was because Steve Rogers realised he was in the wrong or it's conceivable that he could hear the pain in Tony's voice and knew how much he'd hurt him because then a tender voice echoed over the line._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"I'm sorry. For everything. I'm so sorry."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _And just like that, Tony was taken apart by Steve Rogers. That's all it took for him to fall apart an be pieced back together with a fraction more grace than he's been shown before. He tried to respond but nothing was heard._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Everything fell into a haze and I wish we could have talked things through sooner. I should never have hurt you, it was never my intention. You have to believe me on this," he pleaded. "I've missed you."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _That, however, made his breath catch in his throat. He wanted to tell the older man about how he's thought about him every minute of the day but the words just wouldn't leave his mouth. "Steve," He whispered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"I would choose you a thousand lifetimes over if it meant you'd stick with me."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Steve Roger's is inescapable._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _A heaviness settled over his eyes with a familiar warmth that usually indicated the notion of sleep. Usually, he'd let the feeling overtake him but this time round he didn't want to sleep. He's been starved for so long that he didn't want this interaction to end. Steve must've understood because he murmured soft words that Tony couldn't make out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Get some rest, Tony. I'll be there in the morning."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _And if Tony fell asleep thinking Steve would be there to wake him in the morning, no one would need to know. Stranger things have happened._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> We love CW flip phone fics!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Leave any comments below and I'll be excited to read them!


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